明天去接老爸回来。下午妈又哭了。。。
“好好的一个人就没了，我心里面好疼。。。”
我也陪着她哭了好一会儿。我这辈子就最见不得我妈哭。
唉～～～～～～
Monday, March 29, 2010
月亮山
歌词第一段：
秋雨后的明月峰正朦胧
小竹筏划破漓江的彩虹
纤杆弯弯似无意
我端着酒杯想起你
淡淡的桂香如你的气息
浅浅品尝像是你的甜蜜
半滴雨画出音符
在杯中悄悄的轻歌曼舞
雕花窗记载着
爱像月亮山的三百六十
弦眉半镜让人如醉如痴
只能把思念写成诗
雕花窗记载着
爱像月亮山的三百六十
弦眉半镜让人如醉如痴
洒满了宣纸
秋雨后的明月峰正朦胧
小竹筏划破漓江的彩虹
纤杆弯弯似无意
我端着酒杯想起你
淡淡的桂香如你的气息
浅浅品尝像是你的甜蜜
半滴雨画出音符
在杯中悄悄的轻歌曼舞
雕花窗记载着
爱像月亮山的三百六十
弦眉半镜让人如醉如痴
只能把思念写成诗
雕花窗记载着
爱像月亮山的三百六十
弦眉半镜让人如醉如痴
洒满了宣纸
Friday, March 19, 2010
爸，一路走好
刚打了个电话，心情稍微好点。
想把心里面的感受写出来。
3/16/2010, 11pm. 他走了。走的平静安详，把痛苦都留给了我和妈妈。
晚上十点半，妈下了班去看他一眼。我正等着妈回来呢，接到了妈的电话，“昶昶，赶快带大姨来，爸爸快要不行了。”
我当时脑子里“嗡”的一声，那颗重磅的定时炸弹终于被引爆了。
我开得飞快，在一个小路上居然冲到了反道上超车，大姨妈的手紧紧的抓着门把，指关节都白了。
到了那里，我冲进病房，看着妈抓着爸的手，一言不发目光呆滞。爸已经有一口气没一口气了。他带着氧气面罩，两眼半闭，还张着嘴。那时已经快看不出他呼吸时胸部的起伏了。“昶昶，快去抓住爸爸的手，” 妈的声音7分哭意3分绝望。“佘佑天，昶昶也来陪你了，” 她转过来对我爸说。
护士来了，听了听他的心脏。“Is he..." 我小声的问到。"He's gone."
妈靠了过去，把头挨着爸的头边。“佘佑天，你走好！” 她颤声说到，“我尽了三年的力量想救你，但是就是救不了你。你是多么想活啊！” 我紧紧抱着她，眼泪像开了闸一样流了下来。妈一边哭一边和我爸说话。我一边哭一边抱着妈，怕她受不了倒下去。过了一会儿，她好了点儿，我就劝她出去坐一会儿。她去摸了摸我爸，带着哭声说，“他身子还有点热呢，我不想让他一个人." 我就说我来陪爸，硬是把她来了出去。
当我关上门，病房内只剩下我和爸，我脑子这才转了过来，我。。。我没爸爸了。前两天我还在看高汀的孩子和爸玩的录像。那个孩子特别喜欢爸。爸坐在客厅的沙发上，孩子就在他旁边。那个孩子看着他不停的发笑，爸也笑个不停，可以说是老怀大慰。我爸一直很喜欢小孩，一直想报个孙子。我看那个录像带的时候就挺伤心的了，当时又想起来，心里别提多难过了。我想，如果我早点向她求婚说不定就不会分手说不定我爸已经报上孙子了。我又想到我小的时候我爸带我去给爷爷磕头，他说”爸爸为你自豪。你爷爷没看到你是爸爸一大遗憾。“ 没想到将来我也要对我的孩子说同样的话了。想着想着，我突然发觉我已泪流满面。悄悄的哭了一会儿，我才收拾心情，推开了病房的门。
困了，明天再写。。。
想把心里面的感受写出来。
3/16/2010, 11pm. 他走了。走的平静安详，把痛苦都留给了我和妈妈。
晚上十点半，妈下了班去看他一眼。我正等着妈回来呢，接到了妈的电话，“昶昶，赶快带大姨来，爸爸快要不行了。”
我当时脑子里“嗡”的一声，那颗重磅的定时炸弹终于被引爆了。
我开得飞快，在一个小路上居然冲到了反道上超车，大姨妈的手紧紧的抓着门把，指关节都白了。
到了那里，我冲进病房，看着妈抓着爸的手，一言不发目光呆滞。爸已经有一口气没一口气了。他带着氧气面罩，两眼半闭，还张着嘴。那时已经快看不出他呼吸时胸部的起伏了。“昶昶，快去抓住爸爸的手，” 妈的声音7分哭意3分绝望。“佘佑天，昶昶也来陪你了，” 她转过来对我爸说。
护士来了，听了听他的心脏。“Is he..." 我小声的问到。"He's gone."
妈靠了过去，把头挨着爸的头边。“佘佑天，你走好！” 她颤声说到，“我尽了三年的力量想救你，但是就是救不了你。你是多么想活啊！” 我紧紧抱着她，眼泪像开了闸一样流了下来。妈一边哭一边和我爸说话。我一边哭一边抱着妈，怕她受不了倒下去。过了一会儿，她好了点儿，我就劝她出去坐一会儿。她去摸了摸我爸，带着哭声说，“他身子还有点热呢，我不想让他一个人." 我就说我来陪爸，硬是把她来了出去。
当我关上门，病房内只剩下我和爸，我脑子这才转了过来，我。。。我没爸爸了。前两天我还在看高汀的孩子和爸玩的录像。那个孩子特别喜欢爸。爸坐在客厅的沙发上，孩子就在他旁边。那个孩子看着他不停的发笑，爸也笑个不停，可以说是老怀大慰。我爸一直很喜欢小孩，一直想报个孙子。我看那个录像带的时候就挺伤心的了，当时又想起来，心里别提多难过了。我想，如果我早点向她求婚说不定就不会分手说不定我爸已经报上孙子了。我又想到我小的时候我爸带我去给爷爷磕头，他说”爸爸为你自豪。你爷爷没看到你是爸爸一大遗憾。“ 没想到将来我也要对我的孩子说同样的话了。想着想着，我突然发觉我已泪流满面。悄悄的哭了一会儿，我才收拾心情，推开了病房的门。
困了，明天再写。。。
Friday, March 12, 2010
Hospice
He's really confused now, in a really weird way. He thinks he's in jail and they're torturing him. It's probably a combination of the lack of oxygen, the pain, and the meds. He didn't remember how old I was, he couldn't even recognize Altamonte Springs. But it's weird because he remembers Casselberry.
He's much more comfortable at the hospice. The room is very large. The furnishings are very new and everything is clean. He keeps on remarking how nice the place is.
I hate to see him like this. He's fought such a good fight. Hope he can be comfortable all the way to the end.
He's much more comfortable at the hospice. The room is very large. The furnishings are very new and everything is clean. He keeps on remarking how nice the place is.
I hate to see him like this. He's fought such a good fight. Hope he can be comfortable all the way to the end.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Improper attitude
两个问题．一个是世界观的冲突． 小家 ｖｓ 大家． 夫妻 ｖｓ 兄弟． 有义务 ｖｓ 没义务． 这个可以理解。环境，教育都造成这个冲突。
另外一个是忽略个人，没人从她的角度去考虑问题。这个虽然说到底还是第一个问题的延伸，可是毕竟活生生的人在这里，有些时候应该不需要讲大道理也应该想得到正确答案的。
这个鲁仲连我做不来，脾气太倔，不会说话。反正本来就没什么来往，大不了彻底不来往罢了。
另外一个是忽略个人，没人从她的角度去考虑问题。这个虽然说到底还是第一个问题的延伸，可是毕竟活生生的人在这里，有些时候应该不需要讲大道理也应该想得到正确答案的。
这个鲁仲连我做不来，脾气太倔，不会说话。反正本来就没什么来往，大不了彻底不来往罢了。
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Road (I didn't see it some random dude was commenting on it)
Warning: rambling alert =P
In terms of situation presented in The Road, I think what is troubling the author is the fact that in the isolated case of a dying man in a post-apocalyptic world, it maybe hard to see the value in helping him (as opposed to eating him). As a result, the author uses it to argue for subjective ethics. However, this is a misunderstanding of ethics in general.
Ethics gives us a system of rules that can help us choose how to act, but we still must do the choosing, and the act of choosing isn't costless (time, effort, estimation error, etc). As a result, ethics must be based on virtues rather than analyzing individual actions in isolation.
Even Objectivism, which is the most extreme in arguing for self-interest, is no exception. A straw man argument against Objectivism is set up thus: If you see an old lady crossing the street, do you help her? An Objectivist answer is usually "yes" because helping an old lady cross the street takes very little effort/time, and offering her help sets a good example for other that in turn helps create a better community etc. At this point then the questioner will set up stricter and stricter constraints, like "what if no one is watching so you can't set an example?" and "what if it's in a totally different neighborhood that you won't ever go to again", etc etc. This line of questioning is intended to setup an isolated case where it would be hard/impossible to argue for helping the old lady from a self-interest perspective.
But this again, is a failure to see the cost of choosing. It takes a lot of time and effort to ask all the follow up questions that lead to the isolated case. Instead, we could always help and use the extra time and effort to do something else. So value, in terms of ethics, should be measured at the level of patterns of behavior in addition to individual actions. A virtue then, is a pattern of behavior that offers positive value over the entire domain (vs not obeying a pattern and choosing actions individually based on isolated cases).
Getting back to The Road, the basic virtue of human behavior that makes society possible is the recognition that humans have more value to each other as equals than as slaves or as food. And while many people in their post-apocalyptic world have forgotten that, the boy and his father are still following this fundamental virtue that, I would argue, is the most fundamental distinction between humans and other animals.
In terms of situation presented in The Road, I think what is troubling the author is the fact that in the isolated case of a dying man in a post-apocalyptic world, it maybe hard to see the value in helping him (as opposed to eating him). As a result, the author uses it to argue for subjective ethics. However, this is a misunderstanding of ethics in general.
Ethics gives us a system of rules that can help us choose how to act, but we still must do the choosing, and the act of choosing isn't costless (time, effort, estimation error, etc). As a result, ethics must be based on virtues rather than analyzing individual actions in isolation.
Even Objectivism, which is the most extreme in arguing for self-interest, is no exception. A straw man argument against Objectivism is set up thus: If you see an old lady crossing the street, do you help her? An Objectivist answer is usually "yes" because helping an old lady cross the street takes very little effort/time, and offering her help sets a good example for other that in turn helps create a better community etc. At this point then the questioner will set up stricter and stricter constraints, like "what if no one is watching so you can't set an example?" and "what if it's in a totally different neighborhood that you won't ever go to again", etc etc. This line of questioning is intended to setup an isolated case where it would be hard/impossible to argue for helping the old lady from a self-interest perspective.
But this again, is a failure to see the cost of choosing. It takes a lot of time and effort to ask all the follow up questions that lead to the isolated case. Instead, we could always help and use the extra time and effort to do something else. So value, in terms of ethics, should be measured at the level of patterns of behavior in addition to individual actions. A virtue then, is a pattern of behavior that offers positive value over the entire domain (vs not obeying a pattern and choosing actions individually based on isolated cases).
Getting back to The Road, the basic virtue of human behavior that makes society possible is the recognition that humans have more value to each other as equals than as slaves or as food. And while many people in their post-apocalyptic world have forgotten that, the boy and his father are still following this fundamental virtue that, I would argue, is the most fundamental distinction between humans and other animals.
Monday, March 1, 2010
No motivation
no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation no motivation
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